My check ups...

I had my appts with the dietitian and the gastric bypass surgeon on Friday. On the Tuesday before I had an appt. with my plastic surgeon. So let's cover each one in sequence. ;-) :-D

The plastic surgeon has given me a clean bill of health, seven weeks post op from the final surgery, which removed the "apron" of skin. He's allowing me to go back to doing abdominal weights. I'm also still working out at the "Y". I've hit 151 lbs, so far. :-D He's looking forward to seeing me again... yeah I know it's $$ that helps urge him to get me back in his office, but he's also very sincere about helping improve my "saggy skin." I so look forward to my breasts being brought back up to where they need to be.

My dietitian was cool. She's thrilled with the progress I've made, and of course so am I! lol... She doesn't want me to increase the 6 oz. of food unless I seem to be craving a snack more often. Then I can increase it an ounce at a time. I wasn't taking enough of my B-12, so now I am. *blushes* I'm to continue what I'm doing and she puts my goal weight at 150-160. Also I'm going back on Wednesday to do an interview and sit with a focus group for the hospital's newest promotional commercial. :-D No guarantee, but I get paid 75.00 just for showing up and being interviewed!

My surgeon is also very happy with how things are going. She ordered my yearly blood work, so I have to have that done 2 weeks before my anniversary appt. in October. She says a goal of 180....

so... I'm going for 170. :-D

My day --- Yesterday. ;)

I must tell you about my afternoon yesterday. My morning sucked, so let's just skip that and move on to the afternoon. My mail came and there was a pamphlet in my LAKES magazine. This pamphlet talked about a new Nature Preserve a small drive away from us. I thought it would be good to go to it, so suggested it to the spouse, who agreed.

I wasn't sure what we'd do when we got there. lol.... I knew there was a waterfall but I didn't know what type of trails there would be. The pamphlet wasn't real detailed. So anywhoooo we still went.

We got to the preserve, parked the car and began to walk our trail. As we walked I thought back to when my family last went walking on a nature trail. . .

It was just before my surgery and I weighed over 400lbs. I walked the entire trail with them at that time, though it hurt and I couldn't breathe and we had to stop and let me rest at every bench along the way. I walked down the (I don't know how many) steps to view the waterfall and I walked back up them, stopping every 10 to rest and catch my breath. On the way back to our van during that trip... each bench was a goal to me, because it meant I could sit and rest. My family waited with me. The girls getting to the benches first and cheering me on.

Yesterday's walk. . .

I began my walk without really thinking much of it, except enjoying the beauty of this new preserve. As we walked though I thought back and I chuckled. . .This was so much harder when I was over 400 lbs. Then as we walked further, I realized I could breathe. I could talk and walk. I could stay caught up with everyone. I even was faster than my second daughter, though she does have a cold and was on drowsy inducing medicines. But, I was still faster than a sick 12 year old! . . . I walked up and down the hills, one was quite steep. I walked all the way to the end of the trail and then back to where it split to another. We then took the other trail and walked it too! I broke a sweat, but you know what, the only time I had to stop was to get a rock out of my shoe. There were two benches on the trail. I never needed to use them. I got back to the van and I wasn't out of breath at all. If it hadn't been for the trails being over, (they have several more in the works) . . . I could have walked more!

The picture you see before you is how far I've come since my Gastric Bypass Surgery on October 24, 2006. In the blue sweater I weighed 403 lbs. One week prior to surgery. In the other picture, I weight 259 lbs as of yesterday July 13, 2007. I can see the difference in so many ways, but the pictures just really put it into a visual perspective.

Have a beautiful day. . .I am, because I'm going to be living longer!!

Staples and Drains . . . oh my!

Tuesday afternoon I had an appt. with my surgeon and he removed the 77 staples across my abdomen and the drain tube and bulb. I am so glad! I am still sore, bruises and swelling still litter across my stomach so I'm not completely pain free. *sigh*

I'm down 141 lbs. so I weigh in at 262 . Quite the come down from 403!!

I'm selling a couple stories to a relatively new ebook publishing company. When they become available I'll be sure to set up links. :-D

For the most part I am doing well. I do become exhausted quite easily sometimes, which annoys the begeebies out of me.

Sliding in to update. . .

It has been a while; hasn't it. A lot has happened since my last post, which I believe was sometime in March.

Just to catch you all up on things... I am now down 125lbs. *big smile* This puts me at 278lbs. I know that's still a lot, but not like it was. I feel great, well... let me rephrase that. I feel great about the weight loss. I physically don't feel that great at the moment, then again once I explain why, you'll understand.

On May 2nd, I had what was supposed to be a routine surgery. It was to be an in and out procedure of the removal of my left ovary and fallopian tube. The doctor did that, as well as removing some excess scar tissue. I was discharged that following Friday, but went back in on Sunday late afternoon with a fever of 102.6.

At the hospital they admitted me and on that Tuesday evening I was under the knife again. They reopened the incision and cleaned it out, then left the wound open because the work wasn't done yet. *sigh*

The infection had manifested into a flesh eating bacteria. It ate through the entire bottom layer of skin, which the plastic surgeon replaced with some manufactured/donated skin. Some of my abdominal muscles were also eaten away. *sad face* The surgery to repair all that was done two days later at another hospital, where I stayed for another five days.

Eventually I was released from the hospital. My spouse and my mom have been caring for the open wound, packing it with gauze and saline solution. On the 8th of June, I will be going under the knife again. This time to finish up everything... I'm not sure what to expect. The surgeon is going to remove the "apron" I have of loose skin and fat. A tummy tuck. *shivers* I really don't know what to expect. I am worried both because of the unknown, but also fear of infection again. The surgeon believes I may be a natural carrier of this bacteria. If I am then that means every surgery is a risk. *sad face*

I do hope all goes well. I hope you all have a great week. *kiss*

Beauty. . .

No, this isn't me and no, I didn't paint this. . . It's called Beholding.

It reflects my mood though. Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. I hear that often and I know it is true. Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. When someone looks at me, they see something I do not see. Something I wish I could see though. People lately have described me as sexy, beautiful, radiate. . . I don't see that. I sometimes wish I was not the beholder, but I was them.

I look in the mirror and see all my flaws. I study them and they seem to manifest before my eyes into flaws that are so large they drown out all the beauty that I thought was there. I know I am not all bad. There are parts of me that are favorable to look upon. My hair is one. It took me a long time to like my hair. I hated it growing up. I am the only redhead out of my family. My parents and my sisters all have dark hair. I felt so out of place. People picked on me. Boys made cruel jokes, sexual innuendos that at a young age I didn't understand, but now as an adult I do. *sigh* No child should be teased like that.

My body, it is not perfect. I am learning that men like me for who I am on the inside and they don't see the things I see when they look at me. I wish I could see through another's eyes. How beautiful I would be. My lashes are red, short and grow straight. My eyes are dark brown. I would like her eyes. . . they are violet, aren't they? At least in this pic they are. How beautiful her eye looks. Some people can pull of an eye picture and it isn't scary. This model is one of them.

I feel reflective. I am about to embark on a new stage in my life. One where I will be forced to examine my body and all the changes that are taking place and let someone I care about view me as so few ever have. I will be openly exposing myself and though I trust this person. . . I fear my own appeal will not be pleasing. I hate self esteem issues. I despise them. I so wish I didn't have them. . . but don't we all.

I am sure my friend has them too. But they are stronger than I am. I am weak, or so I feel I am. *hugs and kisses to all of you*

~ Red. . .

Chicago. . . Lit-together

I wrote all this and posted it on the wrong blogger. lol. . . I don't know if I have the umph to write it all out again. LOL. . . Anywho. . . A group of folks from Literotica are meeting in Chicago and I'm one of them. We are going to have a great time. Hub has to work, so I'm on my own. I'll behave... I promise. :-) Well, maybe I shouldn't promise. *wink*

I'm really looking forward to the weekend. It'll be a lot of firsts for me. . .bar hopping, visiting a huge city like that alone, karaoke, dancing, just letting loose and having fun. Sis is keeping the kids so no worries there. I just am going to have a blast. :-) (As long as I don't get lost)

I'm down another 5 lbs. :) 94 lbs gone with the wind. I know the plateau is coming, but I hope it isn't for a while. *smiles*

Please have a great week!!!!

~ Red

This is me. I'm 86 lbs. lighter. . .*big grin* I'm a happy lady, lately. I've had so many positive changes within myself since the surgery that as you can see from the last post...I've kept myself to busy to update! *bad Red!!! Bad!!!*

Right now having lost that much weight, only a small about of skin is becoming an issue. Hopefully it will "snap" back into place and all will go well as I continue losing, if not then that is the way life goes, isn't it. I am very excited though. So many things have happened since the surgery, little things that many people, including myself have either taken for granted or just never thought of.

I am able to sit in the office chairs at businesses. I can drive the van with the steering wheel in the lowest position. I can wear thigh-high pantyhose available at Walmart and not having to special order them from an online company! Very cool! I have gone from a size 26/28 to an 18/20 . . .I will be smaller eventually. New panties, bras, lingerie... they are filling my dresser. I breathe easier, feel better about my health and myself, and I can't begin to express how that makes me feel.

This surgery isn't for everyone. I know that. But I don't regret it. There are some foods I don't tolerate well, but none that send me to the bathroom. Chicken, fish, shrimp, eggs, potatoes... these things I can eat, but I tend to shy away from them. A couple bites and my stomach feels off.

In other news. . .They found a couple cysts on my left ovary. Some may remember that I had the left tube removed in Sept. 06. It was 10cm. (about 4inches). These two are small, so they didn't give me a size. I've been given a couple packets of birth control pills to take. These should help keep cysts away and these smaller ones, (if we are lucky) will dissolve.

I'm heading to Chicago at the end of March. South Carolina, West Virginia and Mammoth Cave, Kentucky in April and Yellowstone National Park in August. A busy year for this losing mommy and wife.

Losing Oneself. . .

or what you thought was yourself. . .

I was laying in bed this morning, (naked, because that is how I sleep) and my hands were wandering (we don't need to discuss where they were wandering too, but they were wandering here and there and everywhere. . .). But as they wandered I felt my pelvis bone! Now, that may not seem like a big deal, but this distraction was enough to gain my attention from other things that had been pressing just moments before.

So I continued laying there, (being flat on the bed helps one find the new changes of their body) my other hand left its earlier resting spot and searched out the matching pelvis bone. Now, here is where the "Holy crap!" title comes into play. As I pushed against those bones I thought to myself, "If I lose all this weight my hips would be about so wide (this is where I lifted both my hands up and stared in wonder at the space between my hands and adding some for the hip bones themselves).

My husband then checked that same width with his hands, which led to searching out my ribs, which led to a morning tickle (you thought I was going to say sex, didn't you?!) (( No sex, he had to get ready for work)).

But back on subject. . .

I was shocked, astonished and giddy. But. . .also a tad fearful. I thought what if I lose all this and ???? <<<< what? I don't know. I couldn't finish the thought, so unexpected was the thought of my size getting that small. Now I sit here and I know what was wrong. I was panicking. I realized I was losing the security blanket I have carried with me all my life and I was going to be exposed. There will no longer be this big, cushy body that has been through everything in my life. It has been my excuse for eating. My excuse for inactivity and my excuse for being sad.

It is coming. . .Valentine's Day!

It is early, but Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours! Mine will be spent here at home, I am not sure if hubby has that night or day off, but either way, payday isn't till a few days later, so we won't celebrate it till then. (Unless. . .he surprises me, which he does do sometimes).

I'm down 72 lbs. now! I am so excited. There are so many different things going on in my life. I hope I can keep up. I am thinking of going back to work after just shy of 13 years of being a stay-at-home mom. I am excited and scared.

What do I want to do? Well. . .my time is limited. I won't work after 4PM, and I won't work on Sat. or Sun. Why? Because I am a Mom first. I will always put them above everything, including my desire to go back to work. It's my job. :-D

I hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day.

New Year.... New Me....

A new year begins. . . how wonderful is that. We can push 2006 out the door and haul 2007 in. I look forward to this year, more than many others in my past, not all mind you. 1993 was a great year. I got married... 1994 I gave birth to two daughters... 1999 I had my son... 2007 will mark several weight milestones that have been a part of me since I can remember.

I am anxious to see the new me that emerges this year. Already I am different, both in appearance but in my feeling too. I just feel better about me. I'm down 61 pounds as of this week. I am constantly amazed at the difference that has made in my life. I am very excited to be closer and closer to the 100 lbs. lost number... :D